


Some Suave Dance Chop(per)s

by Ewok_Poet



Category: Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angry mace, Crack, Gen, Humour, michigan j. frog, what even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 09:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12678693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ewok_Poet/pseuds/Ewok_Poet
Summary: Ezra thinks he's having a trouble-free day. But Chopper's got a sinister trick up his dome..





	Some Suave Dance Chop(per)s

Ezra Bridger was somewhat enjoying the time on his own. Sabine, Kanan and Hera were on a supply run and Zeb was doing some repairs elsewhere on the  _Ghost_. His memories were not bothering him, neither was his ever-so recurring unrequited crush on Sabine. It was a good day, for a change. And nothing was going to spoil it for him. He was going to sit in the cabin and indulge in some kiddie vices – a not-so-healthy helping of sugar and gossip in the worn-out copy of “Juicy Blabber” that he had discretely snatched from Hera’s side table.  
  
Just as he was about to munch on a large chunk of chocolate, he heard the familiar, angry chirp.  
  
_Not him again! Anything, but that!_  He was determined to ignore the resident troublemaker number one. Sometimes, he was positive that Chopper was more annoying than all of the Loth-cats in heat, together.  
  
The droid entered the room and tried to get the teenager’s attention, almost immediately.  
  
“Bwop-bwop?”  
  
Ezra stuck up his nose. “Yeah, whatever, Chopper. I know that you hate everybody…nothing new! Move on!”  
  
“B-WOPPP!” The droid protested and spun in circles before him. He reached to the newsflimsi in Ezra’s right hand, but the little Loth-rat hid it behind his back.  
  
“You’re not allowed to say that on HoloNet, didn’t you know?” Ezra was completely sure that he could tell the b-wops from one another by now. Either way, he was not going to give the astromech the time of the day.  
  
Just then, a tiny top hat emerged from Chopper’s dome. The beat-up astromech raised it above, holding it in its shaky claw and broke out in a song.  
  
_“Hello, my baby,_  
_Hello, my honey,_  
_Hello, my Lothal gal!_  
  
_Send me a kiss thru hyperspace,_  
_Baby, my heart's gonna podrace.”_  
  
Ezra nearly choked himself on his ANGRY MACE™ all-sprinkles-no-cocoa chocolate product. Was Chopper singing the song that he vaguely remembered from his early days? In a bass-baritone that could easily outmatch the gruffest of the gruff resident of this very spaceship – and we all know who that would be, thank you very much. WHAT IN THE FORCE WAS GOING ON HERE?  
  
“K…a…r…a…bast!” he barely managed to utter. At this point, he did not care whether you could say THAT on HoloNet or not. “Chopper, what did you just do?”  
  
_“If you refuse me,_  
_Honey, you lose me,_  
_Then you'll be_  
_Floating in space._  
  
_Oh baby, comm me,_  
_And tell me that_  
_You love me!”_  
  
Yes, it happened again. By this point, it was worth a whole starfield of karabasts, kriffs, borks and karks. Ezra was starting to doubt his own sanity. He stuffed the chocolate product into his mouth, swallowed it together with its wrapping sporting a holo of a menacing bald man, and ran to the common room.  
  
Luckily, by then, Zeb was already done with work and was now enjoying a glass of caf. Seeing Ezra run to him like a herd of crazed nerfs, he nearly choked on his beverage. T-t-t-that kid!  
  
“What is going on? Why are you interrupting me?” He got up, his arms on his hips. “I told you to never EVER disturb me when I'm enjoying my hot caf!”  
  
“But, but Zeb, this is critical! Critical beyond all possible beyondness!” Ezra was flapping his arms by now. The Lasat raised an eyebrow ridge and put his best “yes, I’m judging you” face. “You have to see this! CHOPPER IS SINGING ‘My Lothal Gal’…that old ditty by Barefoot Band!”  
  
Zeb gave Ezra a blank stare. After a couple of seconds of silence, he burst into laughter, nearly snorting in the boy’s face.  
  
“Yes, right. And the next thing you’ll tell me is that this very cafmaker is in love with him.” The Lasat pointed to the appliance in front of him. “The odds to that are equivalent to surviving a…”  
  
“Look, Zeb.” Ezra attempted to pull himself together, as he leaned against the nearby arch. “I’m not telling you the odds or anything like that, I’m one-hundred percent sure of it. Come on, take a look!”  
  
Ezra pulled Zeb by hand and led him back to their cabin. Chopper was standing by the bunks.  
  
“Look!” he pointed to the astromech. “Chopper, show him what you just showed me!”  
  
“B-wop?”  
  
“Chopper, come on! ‘ _My heart’s gonna podrace…_ ’”  
  
“B…wop.”  
  
“Dance and sing for Zeb like you did for me!” Ezra was getting desperate.  
  
“Bwop-bwop!”  
  
Zeb pulled out a large holo of a cracked pot and pointed it to Ezra. The teenager did not take that well.  
  
“I am telling you, Zeb! He’s fooling us! He sung that song to me. He just…he just doesn’t want to repeat it for you.”  
  
Zeb angrily stormed out of the room. The moment the sound of his footsteps vanished, Chopper gave Ezra a quick blip and begun singing again, with the top hat spinning above his dome.  
  
_“I’m just Zeltron about Pojee…_  
_And Pojee’s nerfy about me…”_  
  
That was too much for Ezra to take. Forget peace, forget serenity, forget knowledge! He was not able to keep cool and he literally launched himself out of the cabin, straight to the fresher. Zeb could only hear him scream from under the sanistream.  
  
The Lasat shrugged, scratched his head and headed back to his seat. Whatever was going through Ezra’s head, would have passed by the next standard day or so. Humans’ puberty was still beyond his understanding, though he could recall that Sabine was only putting up posters of various wailers on her walls. Perhaps it was worse for the boys?  
  
“Astromech droids singing an old jizz standard…yeah, right.” He sat down and sighed.  
  
“Hi there, hot stuff.” Somebody whispered from right behind him.  
  
Zeb turned around. There was nobody around, just his beloved caf maker.  
  
“I said,  _hi there, hot stuff_!”  
  
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

**Author's Note:**

> Evie the caf maker had previously appeared in two of Raissa Baiard's stories: [Not Your Mother's Life Day](http://boards.theforce.net/threads/not-your-mothers-life-day-otp-holiday-challenge-raissa-doran-mara-ezra.50044178/) and [A Steamy Romance](http://boards.theforce.net/threads/a-steamy-romance-otp-crack-pairing-challenge-rebels-oc.50045863/).  
>   
> Chopper's behaviour in this story was obviously inspired by that of the Warner Bros' cartoon character [Michigan J. Frog](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michigan_J._Frog) and the songs he sings are the GFFA version of [Hello! Ma Baby](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hello!_Ma_Baby) and [I'm Just Wild About Harry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_Just_Wild_About_Harry).  
>   
> Juicy Blabber is a celebrity gossip weekly supplement to the newsflimsi called The Lightyear Holo, and a parody of Daily Mail. It first appeared in my entries of [The Galactic Correspondent](http://boards.theforce.net/threads/the-galactic-correspondent-rr-new-writers-welcome-prompt-10-up-15-30-june-2015.50026961/) round-robin back in the spring of 2015.  
>   
> The ANGRY MACE™ all-sprinkles-no-cocoa chocolate product is just one of the numerous ANGRY MACE™ products that previously appeared in a couple of fics written by the fab trio that is Ewok Poet, Findswoman and Raissa Baiard, as well as the [2017 Awards ceremony](http://2017%20Awards%20ceremony).  
>   
> [Barefoot Band](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Barefoot_Band) is canon. I'm implying that they're a long-running act, with multiple line-ups over the centuries...or something like that.


End file.
